I wanted to share a moment with you all that I had earlier. (well probably yesterday when this actually goes up).
When I’m trying to drive a point home for myself I put it into words and put those words on a social network. That way everyone can see my proclamation and I feel more obligated to uphold it. It makes the statement real.
Well earlier, after a brief talk with my girlfriend, I posted this status to my Facebook:
“Stop doubting yourself, suck it up, and do it.”
I put the status up for me. I’ve been having a bit of a hard time writing the rest of my Gideon story. I feel like I have something that could potentially be a really powerful and relate-able story, but I’m terrified I won’t do it justice. I constantly battle with the idea that the work I put out won’t be good enough.
But at this exact moment, none of that matters. My status touched someone else. I had a friend reply, stating that she had no clue what I was specifically talking about, but my status was exactly what she needed to hear at that moment in time. I wrote something and I connected with another person at a time where they needed it, and I wasn’t even trying.
It was amazing.
I’ve always struggled with serious bouts of self doubt. I rarely think anything I do is good enough, and it can be an extremely damaging thing. My writing has been no different. I frequently wonder if I should even bother continuing to write. What makes me so special that I think I can produce a story interesting enough that other people would actually want to read it? I could list off several reasons why I think I’m qualified enough to write an interesting story, but to me, all those reasons would feel like bs.
When I’m feeling like this I frequently try to think of a specific Charles Bukowski quote.
“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”
While far be it from me to proclaim myself intelligent (There is still so much I don’t know and don’t understand), I am most certainly filled with self doubt and find a certain degree of solace in the quote (as it allows me to live under the delusion that I’m intelligent).
But now I’m forced to wonder, if I can connect, with just one person, with such a simple statement, what can I do with an entire book? (assuming I gut all the rambling that I’m bound to do) I’m forced to entertain the idea that maybe, just maybe, I’m not super awful at this. Maybe I can write something that others will want to read.
Have you ever had a moment like that? A completely unintended and raw connection to another person? Share your stories below and keep the feel good going around.